I've been dating a great guy from over two months. We see each other several times a week. However, sometimes between dates, I don't hear.
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- How much contact between dates is normal?
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He maybe sends me 3 - 4 whatsapps a day and he generally trails off the conversation so it never goes beyond the basics of "how was your day" or a few jokes. He never calls me. Is that weird for a new relationship? I feel like after 7 weeks dating I don't know him any better than when we started!!!!!
Delete Report Edit Lock Reported. Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. Instead of "normal, why not use the word "acceptable"? Now instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing or wondering if your "relationship" is normal, ask yourself "Self, how much attention do I require from my gentlemen callers? If that's acceptable to you, keep him. If it's not, either tell him in words Say I need more or move on to someone who likes to give more attention.
Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. Wilde Send a private message. I'm not sure what the problem is. He sees you once a week in person and makes contact 3 or 4 times a day. That seems in the normal range for very early days at 7 weeks. It doesn't sound like he's pressuring you for sex, and if you haven't had the exclusive conversation yet, he's within bounds for seeing others.
So I'm skeptical of the theory he's a player of some sort. If the problem is still feeling you haven't progressed in emotional intimacy, I suggest you go on a date that's not sitting and talking. Odd as it may sound, apparently active dates, especially when you both are new to the activity is an intimacy builder.
Sometimes it can be hard to find the right balance between being too aloof or overbearing. He keeps regular contact so I don't see much of a problem there. Perhaps he's busy, but if you would like a little bit more contact then why not initiate it yourself? Met him 8 weeks ago but he went on holiday for 2 weeks after that, so technically 6 weeks.
once a week but no contact in between
I was hurt before because I invested too early. Mail will not be published required: You may use these HTML tags and attributes: The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc. Viewing 16 posts - 1 through 16 of 16 total.
September 17, at 1: September 17, at 2: If he is not your boyfriend, he is just casually dating you. We cannot change people. September 17, at 3: Omd How long have you guys dated? Did you get intimate? September 17, at 4: September 17, at 8: Don't do that again to your future partners. Explain yourself to the other humans. They will often understand. That's not ever going to be read as anything less than a total blowoff. If you're ever in this situation again, it is at least courteous to say, "Hey, I'm on the rebound and I'm overwhelmed and I need some space for a bit; I'm sorry, this is just bad timing.
So, you were seeing her for a couple of months and then you disappeared for almost another month. That's enough time for her to develop some feelings for you, which means it's enough time for her to get hurt by something like this.
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Sounds to me like maybe you weren't ready to start dating again. Taking things a bit farther, when this kind of behavior happens after some making out but pre-sexual encounter, we females sometimes interpret this as, "I didn't put out, so he bailed.
She didn't try to contact you? Or did you just ignore her?
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Yeah, as someone who occasionally cuts himself off because of whatever reasons mental, and or otherwise , if I were just seeing someone, and then dropped all contact for 3 weeks, it would be bad. From her point of view, it was a completely blow off. What you should have done was told her that you needed to mentally take care of some stuff, and let her KNOW that you were going to cut yourself off for a while. Then, with that information, she could have made a choice about whether to keep you in mind, or drop you right there. What you did, though, was give her no information.
And when presented with no information, the human brain tries to draw conclusions based on 1 past experiences, and 2 probable outcomes. It looked like you just stopped being interested, and didn't have the guts to break it off. Even though that wasn't your thought process, that was her's. And when you show back up, that doesn't heal her.
How much contact between dates is normal?
I've got a feeling you've burned this bridge far too thoroughly. Take this as a lesson learned, and move on, unfortunately. There's a somewhat overplayed metaphor about " the cave and the wave " that people mention in situations like these and you might want ot give it a look and see if it applies. To answer your direct question, if I was seeing someone casually, I'd expect that there would be some sort of regular interval creating itself after a few months.
Sure, sometimes you're both really busy but basic relationship maintenance to me says that if you're seeing someone and want to keep seeing them you'll at least let them know if you're going incommunicado for some period of time. Granted I also know people who disconnect like you do for whom the idea of letting someone know that you're doing this is just totally antithetical to what they're actually doing. That said, it's a bit of a burden on their partners who are used to basic social norms of asking themselves "Is this guy trying to give me a hint?
Topic: once a week but no contact in between
Am I calling too much? What is going on? In the cases I mention usually there is an explicit "Hey I sometimes disappear for a little bit but if you're worried, just text me and I'll let you know a that I'm okay b that we're still cool" This would not be something I would personally be into, but it seems to work pretty well for them, maybe you can work that into the earlier stages of your next relationship?
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After a month or two of dating, I would totally perceive anything more than a week of no contact as "He's just not that into me". Especially if I tried to get in touch with you and was ignored.
I would be pissed, hurt, and move right along. It's just too easy today to send a text or email or Facebook message that "I've been really busy, but still thinking about you, hope to hang out soon! From what I can glean from your question, neither of you communicated with each other at all for 3 weeks, and this was after a couple months of dating. So you both sent the message you weren't that into each other. You're wasting energy trying to come up with excuses that it didn't mean what it meant. Oh, it was just "casual" whatever that means , there were no full-day dates, there was no sex You don't even need to ask us whether these facts insulate you from criticism, because you're seeing the result: But I find her reaction and the reaction of some in this thread to be bizarrely asymmetrical, assuming that you were both doing the exact same thing.
Why is it solely anonymous's responsibility? If I was dating someone for a little while and they dropped out of contact for 3 weeks I would assume they were seeing someone else. If they re-appeared, apologetic and wanting to try again, I would assume it didn't work out with the other person and I would be pissed to be considered a "second choice.
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